I love walking. I went for 2 super long walks today, and they made me feel happier and more energetic and calm than I have in such a long time, it was absolutely GORGEOUS outside! I was thrilled, and it is supposed to be even nicer out the rest of the week. and it is supposed to be 17-20 tomorrow afternoon in winnipeg, which works out fabulously for me since im moving into my brand new apartment!! im thrilled because its the first time ill actually get to technically live and fend completely on my own!!! i am so pumped. yes i said pumped. that is the degree of excitement i am at. its 860 sq ft. 2 bedrooms, insuite laundry which is actually the big thing that makes me thrilled and happy hahaha. It also has a balcony which is nice since i like being outside when i can.
I am starting to honestly believe time heals everything, because im starting to feel less guilty about everything and starting to forgive others, and nothing has really changed by the date hahaha. anyways i should clean here then get to bed <3
Life is hard but it always goes on.
C'est la vie <3
xoxox
March 30, 2010
March 9, 2010
13.
So I have been having major mental conflicts, about everything. Do I want to be back in a relationship? Do I want to be Single? Do I want to go to school? Do I want to work for another year? Do I want to travel? Do I want to live at home? No. Can i afford to move out on my own? No. CONFLICTED CONFLICTED. I need a therapist.
February 23, 2010
February 15, 2010
11.
Valentine's Day. Cute. Interesting. Fun? Special. Adventure. Am watching I hate Valentine's Day, Interesting rule she goes by, 5 dates, then move on, no pretenses. May try it. We will see, Also may become better friends with boys and hang out with guys, so that if I do meet a guy, we can have a chance to be more friends first, and fall into like, haha like its supposed to be. <3
February 9, 2010
10.
There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo.
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
When life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should have taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me.
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Lessons learned.
Ill be able to look back and say I got through it.
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo.
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
When life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should have taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me.
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Lessons learned.
Ill be able to look back and say I got through it.
February 8, 2010
9.
Went home this past weekend <3 and loved every minute of it. I missed being home with my family and friends, I saw my family and Grandmaman and Papa, and hung out with both Mireille and Dom which was nice. I'm slowly realizing that my past relationships may have me needing to work very hard to not have insecurities afterward, and may have left me with trust issues, (not about cheating or anything of that matter) or commitment issues, which would be absolutely devine since who doesnt want those kinda personal problems at the ripe old age of 20. I also get anxious that I made a mistake but then soon realize it's just anxiety over being worried of being alone and worried about him not moving on. I know I can cross this hurdle there is no doubt in my mind, but I feel like I'm in a cheesy movie where two characters are in a race and the one person falls and the other person is torn between continuing on or going back and helping the other person over their hurdles only in this situation I think he can do it himself, he's just not ready to, not willing to try yet, or not entirely sure how to just yet, and I feel frustrated because I want to get to the finish line and end this whole situation, but at the same time I am not wanting to leave him alone to finish on his own, I want to wait and make sure he's OK, that he will be OK. I'm thinking that after this 2 months at Katy's I may move back to Winnipeg, depending on how things progress here, but we'll see.
C'est La Vie <3 xoxox
C'est La Vie <3 xoxox
January 27, 2010
8.
Here are some quotes that I have been reading over to myself, some of them inspirational, some funny and some sad. I read quotes when I feel upset or stressed out, they help me feel better
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marylin Monroe
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss
"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain
"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square hole. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
— Robert Frost
"Women are like teabags; you never know how strong they are until they're put in hot water."
— Eleanor Roosevelt
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."
— Elbert Hubbard
"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
— Mark Twain
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
— Oscar Wilde
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. (as said by Miss Piggy)"
— Jim Henson
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
— Friedrich Nietzsche
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
— Dr. Seuss
"Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."
— Garrison Keillor
"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
— Thomas A. Edison
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
— Douglas Adams
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein
"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."
— C.S. Lewis
"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 'Pooh?' he whispered.
'Yes, Piglet?'
'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.'"
— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)
"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."
— Abraham Lincoln
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
— Helen Keller
"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc...and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons."
— Douglas Adams
"It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter."
— Marlene Dietrich
"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)
For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness, For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people, For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry, For Beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day, For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."
— Audrey Hepburn
THere are more, but I dont have time to go over them now ;)
c'est la vie <3
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marylin Monroe
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss
"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain
"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square hole. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
— Robert Frost
"Women are like teabags; you never know how strong they are until they're put in hot water."
— Eleanor Roosevelt
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."
— Elbert Hubbard
"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
— Mark Twain
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
— Oscar Wilde
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. (as said by Miss Piggy)"
— Jim Henson
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
— Friedrich Nietzsche
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
— Dr. Seuss
"Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."
— Garrison Keillor
"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
— Thomas A. Edison
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
— Douglas Adams
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein
"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."
— C.S. Lewis
"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 'Pooh?' he whispered.
'Yes, Piglet?'
'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.'"
— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)
"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."
— Abraham Lincoln
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
— Helen Keller
"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc...and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons."
— Douglas Adams
"It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter."
— Marlene Dietrich
"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)
For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness, For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people, For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry, For Beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day, For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."
— Audrey Hepburn
THere are more, but I dont have time to go over them now ;)
c'est la vie <3
January 26, 2010
7.
I've been trying very hard to not be paranoid, and not focus on other peoples thoughts and opinions, I have been trying very hard to not let my guilt in hurting someone I do truly love and care about cloud my judgement. I am not heartless, I have spent too many nights sitting up alone and crying feeling horrible for hurting someone; feeling guilty for not being able to help him in a way that makes him happy; feeling alone because I feel like nobody actually understands everything that's going on, either because they dont need to know or it's too difficult for them to comprehend now; feeling angry because people don't know what's going on and judging me and him. But it's not all bad, I have been trying to be happy, and trying to focus on the future, trying to be optimistic and not focus on the past, trying to believe that everything will work out well, trying to not worry about things I cant control.
I want him to be honestly happy, on his own, or with someone else, it's really up to him and noone else can make that decision except him. I know alot of people have decided that it's my fault, there are alot of rumours about what happened, whats going to happen in the future, at this point, we both need to get help, Me for my bulimia, because I really need to focus on me and worry about my life for a while. and him for his issues, that are his choice to acknowledge and discuss. I am hoping that we will both get to the point where we can be together comfortably as friends, whether we are with other people or not, Because he is one of my best friends and I dont want that to change, I dont expect it to be easy, its going to be difficult and I understand that. I also expect alot of awkwardness between any new people that may be introduced. But I hope things work out and I really want things to work out.
I have also noticed a growing dislike for certain people and it upsets me, not because of the person but because of the relationships that are being affected. It also has been getting harder for me to keep my opinions to myself about these people. I have realized I have made mistakes in the past, some are clearly bigger than others, and even tho some people think I'm an airhead and have no idea what Im talking about, I have learnt from my mistakes for the most part and I'm still learning. Life isnt easy Im slowly learning that, I just want the people I love to be happy forever, and to not make the same mistakes I do, even tho if anyone understands the whole being stubborn and "ill make my own mistakes" thing, its me.
I also am extremely happy that I can talk to my family more often without having to hide my issues as much, Im still glad to have that bit of a buffer and have my own independence and my own life.
thats it for now
c'est la vie <3
I want him to be honestly happy, on his own, or with someone else, it's really up to him and noone else can make that decision except him. I know alot of people have decided that it's my fault, there are alot of rumours about what happened, whats going to happen in the future, at this point, we both need to get help, Me for my bulimia, because I really need to focus on me and worry about my life for a while. and him for his issues, that are his choice to acknowledge and discuss. I am hoping that we will both get to the point where we can be together comfortably as friends, whether we are with other people or not, Because he is one of my best friends and I dont want that to change, I dont expect it to be easy, its going to be difficult and I understand that. I also expect alot of awkwardness between any new people that may be introduced. But I hope things work out and I really want things to work out.
I have also noticed a growing dislike for certain people and it upsets me, not because of the person but because of the relationships that are being affected. It also has been getting harder for me to keep my opinions to myself about these people. I have realized I have made mistakes in the past, some are clearly bigger than others, and even tho some people think I'm an airhead and have no idea what Im talking about, I have learnt from my mistakes for the most part and I'm still learning. Life isnt easy Im slowly learning that, I just want the people I love to be happy forever, and to not make the same mistakes I do, even tho if anyone understands the whole being stubborn and "ill make my own mistakes" thing, its me.
I also am extremely happy that I can talk to my family more often without having to hide my issues as much, Im still glad to have that bit of a buffer and have my own independence and my own life.
thats it for now
c'est la vie <3
January 19, 2010
6.
Why is it, that you can be !20% sure of something at sometimes and only 85% at others?! It's irritating and frustrating, maybe it's because when you first make a plan it sounds fabulous and if everything were to go to plan it would be great, but also unrealistic, and usually you don't think about that until after the fact. But still, is it ok to go along with it even if you're not 120% sure of it? because in the end you know what the end result you wanted was, therefore you know what you want you just need to tweak the action plan a bit? either way Ill think of it and figure it out, as usual.
January 14, 2010
5.
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed at least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
This makes me super happy <3
If I fail, if I succeed at least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
This makes me super happy <3
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